(this was written in 2000)

Willy Wonka:  My Friend, My Enemy

            I adore Willy Wonka candy.  You remember Willy Wonka, don’t you?  Not the character in “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” but the actual candy sold in stores?  Gobstoppers, Dinasour Eggs, Nerds, Tart-n-Tinys, Runts, Wacky Wafers… I could go on forever describing his candy catalogue.  Except for Wonka’s two candybars, all of his candy is tart, sour.  Gobstoppers are jawbreakers (not the gross baseball-size polka-dot jawbreakers they sell in mall candy shops) that actually do change color and flavor the longer you suck on them.  They used to make quarter-size Gobstoppers but now they’re all the size of dimes or smaller.  I describe Gobstoppers specifically because they are my favorite of Wonka’s candy creations.  Since I try all new candy, when Willy Wonka came out with candybars, I had to try them.  The fascinating Xploder bar, which was simply chocolate full of Pop Rocks, was good fun.  I’d never eat them regularly, but the novelty was nice.  But Willy Wonka’s candybar that contains graham cracker bits was my downfall.

I honestly don’t remember the name of this candybar.  I remember it was absolutely delicious and I enjoyed every chocolatey, graham crackery bite.  I think I must have blocked the name of this candybar out of my memory because of the incident that may or may not have been caused by it.  Let me explain.

In February 2000, I first discovered Willy Wonka’s new candybars.  I was thrilled.  All of his other candy is so pleasing to my palate, I just knew his candybars would be sensational.  Unfortunately, the day after I ate his chocolate bar full of graham cracker bits, I developed horrible hives.  All over my body.  From the top of my head to the soles of my feet, from the inside of my ears to every crevice and cranny of my body, I was covered in hives.  Huge, pink, painful, itchy welts.  Everywhere.  My eyes were sealed mostly shut, I had the chills and I was dreadfully uncomfortable.  I had the hives for a total of ten days, resulting in three emergency room visits to get shots of adrenaline as the hives threatened to close off my windpipe.  On the third visit, they kept me overnight, drawing my blood, monitoring my heart rate and my breathing.

I hate the hospital, I hate needles, I hate not sleeping in my own bed, I hate having hives, I hate pain and discomfort, I hate hospital food, I hate I hate I hate!  Everything about those ten days was absolutely awful from missing a week’s worth of classes to not being able to sleep because of the extreme discomfort.  My doctors weren’t sure what caused my hives.  It could have been an allergy to an airborne spore or something or maybe even a food allergy.  I didn’t remember that I had eaten the Willy Wonka candybar until weeks after I had survived my bout with hives.  I was never tested for any allergies because, honestly, I’m too much of a coward.  The idea of having needles repeatedly jabbed into my back in hopes of detecting allergies just didn’t seem worth it to me.

Because the Willy Wonka candybar is the only new food I remember eating just before having the hives, I will not eat one again.  It doesn’t matter to me that it might not have even been the candybar that caused the hives.  I am stubborn and unwilling to go get tested by an allergist and I refuse to risk getting hives again by eating a candybar that I truly did enjoy.  I continue to eat his other candies and I’ve been begging my husband to relent and order some Dinasour Eggs for my birthday next month.  You can’t get Dinasour Eggs in stores anymore – you have to bulk order them online.  Dinasour Eggs are a sourer, egg-shaped version of Gobstoppers.  I know I’m not allergic to Dinasour Eggs and since I’m determined to never eat another Willy Wonka candybar, I don’t understand why I can’t have my Dinasour Eggs to make up for this loss!  I realize they’re $40 for a large box full of individually wrapped packages, but aren’t I worth it?